My sisterhood is splintering because of the relationship that I'm in. Girlfriends falling by the wayside, some in judgement, some just too ill-at-ease with the other woman.
Is that me, or she? It's unraveling. He told me he's moving out this weekend. He told me. He said. He promised. The whining of a hundred promises. I am tough on the exterior, mush on the inside. I watch him speak the words and I believe him. I never believed the others.
I don't remember falling asleep last night. I remember laying in bed, him beside me. He stroked my back and talked. He talked about his dreams, the first time he realized how much he truly loved music and wanted to share it. I feel asleep and stayed asleep through his departure. He must have got out of bed, turned off the light and music, gathered his box of greens, and left. All as I slept. It's very unusual. I notice things. I smell, I see, I watch.
With him, I trust and am vulnerable.
But I don't blame them...
I feel a storm coming but I am trying not to manifest it. Keep in the light. So much is happening in my professional life, it's huge. In my personal life, I must hunker down, protect what to me is sacred and special right now. This storm will pass, and I am working so hard for my own gains. The new year will bring huge changes and in those changes, I will decide if I want to stay here.
Edit- I wrote this last year, in the fall, literally and then some. I stayed here with him. And now we move to San Francisco next week.
