Bringing it home

I didn't read The Secret, and what I do know about the book specifically, I've learned from Saturday Night Live skits basically asking, "What about Darfur, ASSHOLES?"  So yeah, it reminds me of the new age-y sorts who think you bring cancer upon your body by negative thinking and so on.  Self-righteous hippies blaming the victim; awesome.

But I do believe in the power of positive thinking and the whole "manifest" think sounds right if you compare it to exercise training.  Muscles respond and show heightened activity at rest if the subject is simply thinking about performing a physical act.

I ran a pretty good race on Saturday after not running the race distance for over four years and devoting about 2 days a week to training for a couple months on and off.  I was slacking, it rained all spring, whatever my excuse is, I was not super-prepared.  And so the last 2 weeks leading up to Saturday, I envisioned myself hurling up the hills of Lumahai, pounding over the double bridge, and cruising easily to the finish line at the pier.  Race day I woke up at 4:30, ate some almond butter, caught the shuttle down to Haena, cursed my goddamn ipod for taking a shit at the starting line and then ran my lungs out for 8 miles and clocked a good time.

Last race I did, my dad bailed at the last minute, so I ran it alone and finished alone.  This time I ran alone and finished alone, save from a phone call from the tow-in surfer I'd been hanging out with.  We met at Grandpas and went for a swim and I told him I just wanted to be friends.  He was upset, maybe more angry than hurt.  I hope I haven't made a mistake.  I just had nothing to say to him and I didn't want to kiss him.  I'm just not at the point where I can settle for someone who treats me right if the other stuff isn't there.

And as much as I like the 25 year-old, I have to let him go.  He hasn't called for three days and he should have.  After the success of the race, I tried the manifestation thing toward bringing someone complete into my life.  The last client of the day was a lawyer from SFO.  He was kind of douchey, but incredibly charismatic and reminded me that settling for someone who wants nothing in life, no matter how intense the chemistry, isn't worth investing in.

I went out that night and got drunk off pinots with Jenny and we ran into another gang of local boys and ended the night back at the pier, at a bonfire, under a sprinkling sky.  The island is small, but energy is boundless and I will manifest my heart out until I find the one who will make me want to kiss for days, talk for hours, and who will be there at the finish line.

Aloha.