Clarity (for now)

My acupuncturist has been reminding me, on a weekly basis, that the energy you put into your mind and your body, radiates to those around you.  Two months into it, I feel amazing and strong, and hopefully look it as well.

We talked about my romantic life today and aligning yourself to attract the people who most compliment you.  I was talking about the 38 year-old surfer, who in such a short time, has totally committed to me.  Trips to Indo promised, flowers and dinners gifted, and a good night phone call every night.  He would make an amazing dad. When I kiss him, I feel nothing.  Maybe a slight biological response, but nothing emotional.  It's like licking a stamp.  I've tried to back away, but apparently Jason is right, and I am absolutely terrible at breaking up with people.  So tonight, I'll break the ties for real.  It'll have to be over the phone, but I will do it.

So have I reached a point in my life when the loved-up fun relationships of yesteryear are no longer possible if that person isn't going to be the one I commit to forever?  I can see myself in an arrangement where I am good friends with the father, but am I destined to be married?  I'm so independent, so fearful of being caged, so in love with the possibilities of the world.  Does that vibe with marriage?  Yes, to the right person.

I need to take a step back, give thanks for the way another can make me feel, but reel in my emotions and expectations.  I'm happy being single and I miss the calmness and clarity that comes from not having any expectations of others.  I owe it to the right-on-paper guy to break things off and allow him to make another woman happy.  I owe it to myself to release the kiss-for-days guy and allow room for someone who will compliment me more.

Oh age... things get more complicated until you reach the next tipping point and then hopefully things just start cruising again.  Fifties, sixties?

I can't forget the rest of the world out there, and that this little island is not all there is.  The air, the fruits, the ocean, the green, the love, the happiness... it's palpable and intoxicating.  Ambition for more than those things does not exist here though and maybe that's the way things should be. One piece of clarity at a time.

Aloha.