Good vibes

Last night was pivotal for me in a few ways and I'm trying to work them out through the haze of remembrance of a very late night. I've met a bit of a soul sister on this island. She's an Irish girl, a few years older than me. We share some physical traits: long hair, big blue eyes, bit of a wonky nose. She's tiny and dark-haired but there's enough of a vibe that a few people commented on it last night. We met and just knew each other and as our life stories started to unfold, things that I've explained to others that they judge as crazy or reckless, she just smiled and shared a similar story. We lived in London at the same time, both heavy into the party scene; her jungle, me psy trance. Last night she took me to my first dance party on Kauai.

I met so many people, a few insane, a few very true souls. I spent an hour talking with with one guy, alternating dancing and chilling out on the couches with him. At the end of the night, he found me, told me how moved he was by our connection and then told me all about his wife and kids. It was actually a really cool, totally honest interaction. All the people I met had a common thread; Kauai, of course, and freedom.

I think I've tortured myself trying to fit others definitions of what I should be and how I should behave. Relationships, friends, parents. People always have an opinion on the decisions I have made that don't follow the trajectory that the majority follow. Jobby job, relationship, house, ect. And that's amazing for them, AMAZING, I'm so happy for them. But it's not for me. It's just not for me, and I know that so deeply. Being around others who are also free from these expectations was so soothing, so connected. Kauai is a tribe and those that live here work very hard to do so. I've been to many parties in many places yet rarely have I had the profound feeling that I was connected to every person there on a level beyond the music (or drugs, of which I had none last night.) I felt connected in choosing a different life, a different place. Connected in soul and energy rather than age or occupation.

My first month here I sat on the bluffs next to the hotel and dangled my legs high above the Pacific. I thought, "I'm on this island for a reason I haven't yet discovered." And then I put that feeling to rest for a bit and got caught up in emotions of love or commitment to other places and people. But that feeling is back. I believe by embracing the island and dancing with my new tribe, I will fully allow this journey to complete a part of me. Or rather I will allow my mind to take a back seat and let my spirit drive. It always has, but I'll just stop nagging it.

Aloha.