Today I was running up a trail when I passed two hikers coming back down. The woman shouted at me as I passed, "You're an inspiration!" Wha... really? It didn't sink in until after I was done with my run. I returned a friend's call and heard myself offering up advice in regard to a woman who's making him crazy. I said "I know you love her, but you have to love yourself more." So if I'm going to be an inspiration, it's not because I tackle steep inclines, it's because I'm going to walk the walk.
People do shitty and selfish things all the time. And sometimes we love them and they still do those things to us. But the only damn thing I can control in this world are my thoughts. And my thoughts for the last 3 weeks have been hurtful. I've blamed myself. But I've come to the point where I've out-run the woman crying on the steps. I can do nothing else but keep running, keep laughing, and keep loving because damn if I will be withheld from any of it any longer.
Books are falling in my path as I need them. Meagan gave me her copy of Jitterbug Perfume for some reason and the next day, I smacked Ian with it as I fought for satisfaction.
End of relationship/dodged bullet.
The same day I received an Amazon package containing Born To Run. The book has been my bible. I would do it an injustice by summarizing it here, but it's changed the way that I run and by extension, think, physically, spiritually, and mentally.
There will be more dark times, I know, but I'm through the worst of it. I have run myself past the head noise and back to clarity.
aloha.
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